just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
