he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
