Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
