guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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