She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You are the jesus of drinking
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
