If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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