It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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