Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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