So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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