i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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