so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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