The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
