I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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