he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
