booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize