Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
