Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
