"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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