waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
