Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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