he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
