my mouth tastes like poor choices
barbara walters just said penis...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
