True but thats because hes a fetus.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
