Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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