he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
