my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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