Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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