I wish life had little blips of pornography
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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