I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
