Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
