Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize