my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
