there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
