you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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