I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
