On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
