Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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