Rock
Scissors
Fuck
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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