Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
