That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
