I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
