So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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