We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i drank out of a bidet.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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