the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
