Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
