I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
