I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
