And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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