U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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