Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Quick, to the slutcave!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
