The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
