just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My vagina is officially offended.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
