I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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