Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
