There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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