This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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