Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
