Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
