"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
did i just pee glitter
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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