woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
