U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
