I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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