i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
where are you?
Hypothermia
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
