It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How naked do you want me to be?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
