Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
