Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
