Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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